Posted on by ANNA.VAGGALIS

Faith

“There is no ocean that can’t be parted
There is no mountain that can’t be moved
I know there’s help for the heavy hearted
The weak will find their strength renewed
You just gotta have faith
Mmm, you just gotta have faith
It’s light for the shadows, for all your tomorrows
It’s knowing He’s there through the sun and the rain
It’s when you believe it, before you can see it
And you can walk on ’cause he’s making the way
Just gotta have some faith, faith
You’ve gotta have some faith, faith
Searching for purpose, you know the way then
Praying through so many silent hours
Finding a breath when you feel like fainting
Loving the lover you are right now
You just gotta have faith” (Jordan Feliz, 2017).

     I have always been told that you never truly understand how important your faith is until it is all you have. Well guys, here is my story…

August was a month full of many laughs and lots of fun. I traveled to Missouri with my grandmother and was so excited for the beginning of the New England Patriots 2019 season. August 29th was a typical day for me. I was at work, of course, laughing and (possibly even hardly working) carrying on with my normal routine. However, in the back of my mind I was bothered by a small lump I had found in my right breast. I mentioned this to my fellow co-workers (that are more like family) and Lindsey insisted that I have this evaluated. She worked some magic had it evaluated for me and I was advised that it did not appear to be “a simple cyst.” (Simple cyst: meaning fluid filled cyst on ultrasound).

I immediately texted my fellow friend and nurse practitioner, Millie. I told her that I found a lump and needed a diagnostic ultrasound just to confirm that it was truly just a fibroadenoma. On August 30th, I had my diagnostic ultrasound performed and was encouraged/advised to have a diagnostic mammogram performed as well. (This was where my thoughts of, “Oh, It’s just a fibroadenoma” immediately changed). As many of you know I am a nurse practitioner and I have a little more knowledge than most when it comes to some of the medical side of things–which can be helpful at time and at others not so much.

Nurse Practitioner (NP) ME: Oh, Anna, it is only a fibroadenoma. You have no family history of cancer, yet again breast cancer. You’re only 26. You have never smoked. You work out consistently. You are not overweight and never have been. It’s nothing.

But deep down, I was very nervous. I know how medicine works. We never “rush” someone through the system if it is nothing to worry about. Within two weeks, I had already had a diagnostic ultrasound and mammogram and was on my way to see a general surgeon (Dr. Harvey Miller).

September 10th, first visit with general surgeon. I was so anxious and nervous. I knew that my diagnostic imaging was not normal, but my physical exam was completely 100% normal (no skin changes, no dimpling of my breast, no nipple changes, no discharge, no drainage, NOTHING, COMPLETELY NORMAL!). Meeting Dr. Miller was short and sweet (not short as in he was in and out within 2 minutes, like ALL OF SOCIETY think medical professionals do, LOL. Short because my attention span was SHORT, so short. I could not process everything that was going on.) He was so very kind and gentle. He immediately had me go over and have my biopsies performed at SGMC. I arrived at SGMC Outpatient Clinic and before I could completely sign all waivers…my biopsy was completed and repeat mammogram was performed. (I don’t know if you are familiar with this but all I can say is…WOW, I never thought my barely B’s would be squeezed so tight–s/p biopsy and mammogram after is not pleasant, BTW!).

Dad was patiently waiting for me in the waiting room while I was having the biopsies performed. Once I was finished, the radiologist tech escorted me to my dad. At this moment, I finally broke down and cried to my father. (Up until this point, I was very nonchalant about everything to my family and Chason.) However, even when I felt as if the walls were caving in on me as we walked down the LONNGG hallways at SGMC, I was at peace. I found/find comfort in my FAITH.

Be strong and courageous; don’t be terrified or afraid of them. For the Lord your God is the one who will go with you; he will not leave you or abandon you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

Fast-forward to September 13th. I had an appointment with Dr. Miller at 11am. Dad, Mom, Sarah, and Chason joined me at this appointment and “our fears” were confirmed. Stage 2A Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. The diagnosis that I never imagined HIT me HARD! I am now THE patient, not THE provider. All the encouragement I have ever given a patient, I was now searching for…FOR ME! Wow, what a day?! Tears shed and more tears shed BUT there it is again COMFORT! I was comforted by my faith. I know Jesus has a plan for me! He will not forsake me.

“The Lord will fight for you, and you must be quiet.” Exodus 14:14

September 17th–I had my first appointment with oncology, Dr. Bidyasar. Wow, what an emotional rollercoaster it was–parking in front of the PEARLMAN CANCER CENTER as a patient! I thank God that I have such a great support system. My mom and Chason grabbed my hands and we entered into what will now be my new norm. BUT, in that moment I was again comforted. I was comforted by my faith. I know Jesus has a plan for me! He will not forsake me!

“Wait for the Lord;
be strong, and let your heart be courageous.
Wait for the Lord.” Psalm 27:14

“Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart be courageous. Wait for the Lord.” That’s currently my mindset. I must wait. I must be strong. I must let my heart be courageous. BUT, ultimately I must wait for the Lord. I am currently in the transitioning phase. I am transitioning from my (previous) norm to my (new) norm. The next few days/weeks will be full of more diagnostic imaging (Chest MRI and axilla ultrasounds tomorrow, PET Scan in the days after, LifePort placement, fertility clinic appts, etc.). I will update everyone via this blog. As I quoted above, the Lord will fight for me, I must be quiet. Therefore, to avoid from social media distracting me from focusing on the Lord, I will not be reactivating my Facebook. I will share my story via my blog (when I have the strength to share). I am generally a very reserved person and try to hide my emotions, so this is all new to me. I ask that you all pray for me daily. Keep me in your thoughts. The next few days, weeks, months, and possibly years are going to be full of many uncertainties but one thing that is certain, our God lives–the Lord who saves also heals. Keep me in your prayers as I put on my boxing gloves and fight back. I may be rolling with the punches now, but when I find out my treatment plan, it’s ON! #fightlikeagirl #thisdoesnotdefineme #Iamachildofgod #GodWhoSavesAlsoHeals

33 Replies to “Faith”

  2. Baby girl I am so proud of you….Your FAITH is unstoppable and GOD loves you…I have your back and will be there through thick and thin….GOD has a plan for you and he will use this for his good!!!
    “And we know that in all things GOD works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” ROMANS 8:28

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  5. I love you baby. You have got this and the Lord is right there fighting the fight with you. I am here if you need me for anything. Even if it’s just to sit with you and hold your hand. You are one of the strongest young women I know. No doubt in my mind you and God will beat this!!

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  6. I do not have fb, but sometimes use my daughter’s for “selling pages”. This was the first thing that popped up when I logged on and I almost scrolled past. Ironically, the word FAITH caught my eye/heart. Clicked on your blog and couldn’t believe what I was reading. I was diagnosed with breast cancer November 8, 2018. I know exactly where you’re at and what you’re feeling. Although, I was 48 at diagnosis I still felt like I was young!😂 I will be following your blog and will add you to my prayers. They work! You got this!!!! If you ever need to talk please feel free to call, text or email! 229 292 7965. There are many of us out here that know just what you’re going through! YOU GOT THIS!!!!💪💪🙏🏻🙏🏻

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  22. Psalm 37:4
    “Delight thyself in the Lord and HE will you give you the desires of thine heart!”

    I have leaned through many difficult journeys that brokenness brings about a deeper and more intimate relationship with God. If ever you ever prayed to know our precious ABBA on a new level of worship at any point… that request will be answered tenfold through this walk of faith.

    What a testimony you have already created. I am saddened to hear this news. I know you have a tremendous support system, but I will pray for you and ask others to do the same.
    Love you ♥️

    #overcomer
    #morethanconquerer
    #timelesstestimony

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  23. Babygirl, you have this. My heart dropped when Krissy read this out load this morning. I know that you have a good support system and with faith you will come out on the other side of this with more compassion for your work and patients. Lovin and praying for you.

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  26. I love you! And I am so encouraged by your faith and your testimony. Hold to god and know the end of this when you climb over that fence and look back you won’t even remember how you got over it, but it will be your testimony to share with your future patients, friends, family and any others you encounter. Saying many prayers, and you’ve been on my mind daily. Keep fighting and be a great warrior for god!

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  30. You are and will continue to be in my prayers!!! Satan will not win this battle! This will not only be physically challenging but also mentally. You have this, and the most important thing to remember like you said is God is with you and will be through it all!! Continue to have faith and remain positive. Satan knows our weak moments, during those moments of temptation to fall into negativity pray even harder. You are strong, beautiful, smart and most importantly a child of God! Keep your head up, you got this!!! I love you very much!

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